The Pain Period (My Last Date Ever)
A lot of guys look at me now, and seem to think that I've always been getting laid like a rock star. That's far from the truth. I use to be a complete loser (well, not complete, since I was having sex).
To give you an idea of some of the stupid shit I've tried, on one occasion I put a note on a girls door. She came and asked me what I wanted, and I told her nothing. I did the same thing, and got no response. Now that I look back on it, that shit was downright creepy. One of those things you look back on when you're older, and kind of shiver and think "Did I really do that? What the hell was I thinking?"
On another occasion, I had no clue about how one night stands occurred. The whole concept was new to me. All I knew, was that on movies, they just did it. I tried that with a girl, just tried to dive right in. What did she do? She turned around, curled up, and went to sleep. Uggh.
"But, Assanova, I thought you were having sex since you were 12?" Yes, but it was always with a girlfriend. Every girlfriend I had, came to me, either because they liked badboys, or they thought I was funny. I had no clue of how to actually approach a woman that I wanted. Absolutely terrified of rejection:
No clue of how to approach a woman. I didn't know about websites like this one. However, ever since that girl laughed, patted me on my back, and slammed her door in my face, I had made it my mission to start sleeping with a lot of women. No longer would I be afraid of them.
Failure, after failure, after failure. What was I doing wrong? Basically shooting in the dark. Nothing to guide me except trial and error. That's what separated me from most men. I never accepted failure. I was willing to go through the pain period. Sacrifice my pride.
Today? Today was the day. I was going to ask her on a date. Finally worked up what little courage I had to ask her out. I knock on her door. Her roommate answers...
Me: "Is, is, is Green Eyes here?"
Roommate: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom. Go on back."
She knew what I was there for. I had talked to her about Green Eyes. And Green Eyes probably knew it was coming. She probably ran to her bedroom to avoid me. And I don't blame her. I was weird. I am not going to turn around. I am going to ask her out, going...to ask her out. Heart thumping. Heart thumping. Soft spoken voice...
Green Eyes: "Hi."
Me: "I was, uhh, wondering if, uhh, you wanted to go to lunch tomorrow?"
Of course she can't say no. She knew she'd rip my heart out. Now that I look back on it, if I were the type of guy to still go on dates, I'd never do lunch. Lunch says "I want to be your friend.". No. I don't want to be your friend. I want to fuck you. Fuck you after dinner. But yeah, I don't do dates, I just fuck you.
A small victory for me. I've scored my first date in college, and with a beautiful woman, I might add. I can't believe it. After all of these months of getting shot down, I finally had a date. You seriously don't understand how important this was for me. I had been shot down by at least a hundred women. Or at least it felt that way.
The next day arrives. I'm in a good mood. I head upstairs to pick her up. A soft knock on her door. She actually answers, but looks kind of surprised. I knocked so softly that I don't think she heard me. She was actually on her way out, and I just happened to catch her...
Green Eyes: "Uhhh, look, I'll go out with you, but I'm not eating."
She's on her cell phone carrying a bottle of water. If that were me today, I would have ended the date right then and there. if you are not important enough for her to stay off of her cell phone for an hour, then she isn't worth your time, or money, I might add.
Me: "When was the last time you had a boyfriend?"
Did I really just say that!? What the fuck!? Never ask a woman about another man. It reeks of insecurity. And boyfriend? "CLINGY!".
We keep walking. She then just flat out says it...
Green Eyes: "I just want you to know that this isn't a date. I only went out with you because you asked me."
And it is at this very moment that my heart drops and my stomach shoots up to my throat. Did she really just say that? How could she? You know what? Fuck this. I don't give a shit anymore. I can't be nice anymore, I just can't. It's just not me. Not my personality. All this time, I had tried being nice to these girls, and it hasn't gotten me anywhere. Fuck this. No seriously, FUCK THIS.
I then settle into my natural personality. Not trying to impress anyone. She's in my world now. I sit there, eating my food. Yes, I still went with her to get food. This bitch said that she was going to go out with me, and she's not getting out of it this fucking easy. Maybe I'll learn something.
So we're sitting there, talking, and I notice something. Now that I'm comfortable with myself, she's taking a liking to me. She's actually talking to me, getting to know me. Smiling. Wow. So this is it? This is what I was doing wrong the entire time? All of those times getting rejected. This is what it was all about.
I was so worried that these women wouldn't see me as nice if I was who I really was, so I had held back, coming off as a weird shy guy. I thought that women wanted nice guys, so I tried faking it. In reality, they wanted who I truly was, the funny asshole that you see today.